Life and Death

The idea of death surrounding me has caused me to think of the life around me.
Tomorrow is not guaranteed to anyone. This is not a new concept. But it always seems to need to hit home before it makes it home.
And it has me wondering, will we (I) ever grasp this ? How long until we (I) go back to petty issues? When will we (I) pick my battles wisely??
I understand I come with a lot of baggage, but I was talking to my stepmom tonight, which I've decided I hate that word. But she had said something to me ... so simple, yet so profound.
Ya know, when youre plate is (just so full) you cant handle anymore... well uh.... DUMP YOUR PLATE! just tip it right over... and only put on there what you want. Make your own schedual. ya know?
Prioritize. I know I dont want my life to be consumed by a job or career. I cant imagine a more
(meaningless) life. I'm sorry that I'm not sorry, but my family, and faith comes first, and if I lose a job b/c of it... not much of a loss. maybe this is a poor attitude. I'm not sure

This whole balance thing, is so crucial, yet almost always lacking in lives.

I'm really hoping to "line my ducks in a row" ... In (order)
Maybe then, a full plate wont seem so hard to manage.

Current characteristics I need to work on: Temper, Patience, Kind words.

Goal: to live as stress-free as possible. How did Christ do it? How did his heart and emotions not become so overwhelming? Uh prolly b/c he had faith.
But regardless of faith, the pain for the ones you cannot save... is enough to be unbareable.
Ha while at the same time... it isn't me saving them anyways. All Glory be to God alone.

Lord, guard my heart and my mind, may I never forget your grace and love for me. and may you be my strength, my patience, and kind words. Be my encouraging personality and positive attitude.

p.s. on another topic completely, I spent the day in Aspen, where a shirt can cost $215! This makes me sick to my stomach and I cant help but cry. People really live like this. Money means nothing. and Things mean everything. :( My heart aches.
<3

To-Do-List

I feel like my life is one big to-do-list
my whole life is made up of lists.
I love them actually.
However they can stress me, especially when things aren't getting crossed off as fast as I'd like them to.
and at what pace should things get crossed off? I mean, everything has a time, right? "Season for ALL things"...
I struggle with My time vs. God's time. same with both our wills.
I think so much into everything I drive myself crazy.
I seem to have great advice, but can't seem to follow it
and I find myself becoming so damn lazy.
physically and intellectually. maturely as well...
I keep speaking rudely to the ones i love and acting on no patience, being a horrible example to my sisters.
Its part my influence that will help mold them into how they will handle interactions with others. I dont want to be responsible for them being screwed up or mean.
I hate being so irritable ... I want to be soft spoken and gentle and kind.
I want to be disciplined. and smart.
I want to gain wisdom.
So I must first fear the Lord. Prov 1: 7
It seems that life is off track and chaotic when the Lord is out of the schedual.
and truly, honestly, how much of a "sacrifice" is time out of our day to read his Word? or to pray and to just spend time. ?! can we even call it a sacrifice?

there was a debate a while ago on the radio about having a devotion time on the toilet. (two birds with one stone)
I say, absolutely. if the God you are praising, and living for is as Holy, as Powerful, as Great as defined.... than you should be ashamed to approach him with your drawrs down! .... you should hide your face.
The God who saves, should be given more than that. dont you think?

entirely separate:
I am learning the tight reign on your tongue, everlasting patience, kindness, gentleness, self control...
ALL TOGETHER!
its rough.
its a harsh ugly to face.
I'm missing key Christ-like characteristics...
not only that, but the lack of each one, is so deep rooted in behavioral habits that have taken over most my life. How does one un-do all of that?!
definitely not without God's grace.
Hopefully I can be a quick learner... and turn things around... before its too late...
I dont want to have caused anyone permanent damage.

Time heals all wounds....
How much time?
Do we have time?
Why time?
Why waste time?!

How should we, and could we spend time? ... to use it the best way?
<3